Types Of Relationships

On hearing the word ‘relationship’, a lot of people think of an intimate relationship based on romance, such as boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives and groups like that. However, a relationship describes any connection between people. 

 

 

People are often worried about their relationships with other people and how they are supposed to behave in them.

Behaviour In Relationships

It’s hard to know how to behave with some people sometimes:  the right way to behave often depends on how close you are to people.  Here is a general guide on how to act when you’re around other people.  If you have worries about how to behave, nothing beats talking to your parents, carers, teachers, religious leaders or any other adult you know and trust.  Always keep them in mind when you want to find out more about relating to people. 

 

Courtesy, Politeness and Respect

Politeness and respect are different things.  To respect someone is to think highly of them.  To be polite is to act properly when around other people and to show thoughtfulness and kindness when you are around them.  Courtesy just means to act politely.

Who should you be polite to?

Politeness doesn’t just stop with your friends and family.  It should be something you practice when you’re around anyone.  The golden rule to this is to treat people the way you would like to be treated yourself.  It’s usually flipped too – if you treat people well, they will usually treat you the same way. 

Who should you respect?

This is trickier.  You can’t really tell other people who they should respect, because who you respect is up to you.  However, most people respect:

·         Themselves.  It’s called self-respect (funnily enoughJ).  You should be proud of who you are.

·         People who have treated them kindly and well, such as friends and family.

·         People who have helped and supported them, such as teachers, religious leaders and community members.

·         People who are good role models, such as sports heroes, community leaders and those who make a positive difference in the world.

 

What if someone doesn’t treat you with politeness and respect?

Respect is something earned.  If you don’t think highly of another person because of the way they act or the way they have treated you then that’s between the pair of you.  The same goes if you have lost the trust of someone you know.

 

It’s hard earning respect once you’ve lost it with someone.  So think carefully.  If you don’t think highly of a person because they are in a position of authority (say a parent, relative, teacher or the police) you should ask yourself, ‘why?’  Disrespecting them simply because they expect you to follow rules (or punished you for breaking a rule) is not a good reason.

 

Politeness however, is something everyone deserves.  If someone is impolite to you it’s no reason not to show them courtesy back.  There is no reason to stoop to someone else’s level just to be nasty.  Do this too often and you lose the respect of people around you as well as your own self-respect. 

 

Physical Contact And Intimacy

Physical contact with people is something that happens all the time.  Everything from bumping into people in the playground to kissing your mum or dad goodbye can be classed as physical contact.  We tend to have more physical contact with people we are closer to, as some types of physical contact are very intimate.  The amount of physical contact people like is also different from person to person.  So it can be confusing to work out what kinds of touching are right and at which times.  

 

Appropriate touch

Most of the physical contact that happens to you is appropriate, meaning it is right for the situation.  It’s the kind of touch that you feel comfortable with.  Here are some examples:

 

·         Being hugged in a friendly way by someone close to you, such as a parent, relative, close friend or teacher.

·         Someone close to you putting their arm around you or putting a hand on your shoulder if you are upset.

·         Being examined by a doctor or a nurse (with your parent’s permission).

·         People touching you by accident, like being bumped in the playground or in a crowded room.

 

Inappropriate touch

Inappropriate touch is any type of touch that you don’t want, or that makes you feel uncomfortable.  Most touching of this type can be grouped in two ways:

 

·         Sexual - Being touched in ways or places you don’t want, especially on your genitals (girls: vagina or breasts; boys: penis) or bottom.

·         Violent – Touch that hurts, like hard hitting, pinching, punching, cutting, strangling or kicking. 

 

No one should be touched in ways that are inappropriate.  Remember, people can make mistakes and touch you by accident in a way you don’t like.  If they stop when you ask them to, then it’s okay.  If this isn’t the case, let them know that you don’t like being touched in that way.  If you are still worried, talk to an adult you know and trust straight away.

 

Intimacy

Intimacy is personal and private closeness, though it means more than just standing close to someone.  Because it’s about things that are private, ‘intimacy’ is often used for people in a sexual relationship, but there’s more to a person’s privacy than that.  Intimacy can also mean knowing someone really closely and knowing private things about them. 

 

Your privacy is important.  The only people who should know you intimately are the people you want to know you that way.  Your parents certainly know a lot about you, and you have probably shared with your best friend(s) a lot of intimate things about yourself but that should really be about it.

 

Keeping Your Privacy

Here are some tips with privacy:

·         Be careful who you tell intimate things to.  People who you don’t trust, know well, or who gossip and spread rumours should be avoided.  Strangers, especially ones you think you know, such as people you chat with on the Internet should not be told any personal information about you.

·         Don’t leave personal information around where other people can find it.  Diaries, personal web pages and official forms about you can tell people more than you’d like them to know.  Watch what you let other people see.  If it’s a web page (something that you have no control over who sees) make sure it contains only impersonal information, such as your hobbies and interests.

·         Your body is always private.  It’s up to you who you let see you and know you in more intimate ways.  See Appropriate and Inappropriate Touch for more.

Openness & Honesty

People should always be open and honest with each other, right?  Well, yes and no.  It depends a lot on who you ask and who you’re being open and honest with.  Here are some tips:

 

·         Be open and honest as much as you can.  Being open and honest with people close to you is the way to earn and keep their trust and respect.  Being honest with people you don’t know is important too (especially if it’s people who are there to help you, such as the police), but your privacy is also important.  Look at what you’re being open about before you tell someone important information.

·         Sometimes politeness is more important than complete honesty.  Your little brother has spent a long time on a painting.  He rushes up to you proudly and shows you his creation.  How do you tell him it’s horrible?  If you respect his feelings, you won’t.  This is known as tact. 

·         Being sensitive and considerate and trying not to offend someone is important, as long as it doesn’t hurt that person later down the track (say, if your brother was going into an art contest).  In that case, you will have to use even more tact to steer them in the right direction (for example, rather than saying his painting was horrible, tell him how good it is  while also suggesting ways it could be improved).

·         Sometimes privacy is more important than openness.  Being open about yourself is okay if you have an intimate relationship with someone, but you have to consider your privacy before you start telling just anyone things about you.  This goes double if you’re telling someone something private about another person (in other words, gossiping).

·         Telling lies is different from politeness or not being open.  Not telling the truth to keep you or someone else out of trouble (because you or they have done something wrong), to make something better or different than what it is, or to cause trouble for someone else is lying plain and simple.  It’s a very quick way to lose the trust and respect of people around you and to get yourself into more trouble than you would have been in if you were honest in the first place.

Fairness

Some people think mainly about themselves, look out for their own interests and think about other people second or not at all.

Some people think only about others and little about themselves.  They let other people get away with things they shouldn’t and are harsh on themselves instead.

 

Even when a relationship is normally pretty fair, there are going to be times where it can feel like things are one sided.

 

So what is fairness in a relationship?

·         Thinking of yourself and the person when you’re doing something together.

·         Treating the other person the way you’d expect to be treated.

·         Caring for each other, not just yourself or the other person.

·         Taking turns at being first or last.

·         Solving problems with compromise when you can.

 

 

Trust

To trust someone is to rely and believe that they will do the right thing by you.  All good relationships are based on trust and usually the amount you trust somebody is linked to how well you know and like them.  There are people you trust and people who trust you and it’s important to keep something as important as that with any person you care for.

 

You certainly trust the people you are closest to, such as your parents and closest friends, the most.  You trust them to help and support you (and keep your personal life to themselves).  You probably have other friends you trust a fair bit, but you don’t tell them everything about yourself.  And so it goes through all the types of relationships you have until you reach strangers, who (sadly) you need to be careful around.  Your safety comes first, especially if you are by yourself.

 

Trust is a lot like respect in that it has to be earned.

Gossip & Rumours

You have information about one friend that you WISH you could tell someone else, but you’ve promised not to tell.  Maybe you haven’t promised anyone anything, but telling someone else could hurt this person’s feelings.  Either way, it’s a hard position to be in.  So you give in and tell.  This is gossiping.  It’s telling personal things about someone to somebody else without permission.  If you’re not even sure the gossip is true, it’s called a rumour.

 

Some people thrive on rumours and gossip.  It’s sometimes the way they become popular with others.  But who do they become popular with?  Certainly not the people they are gossiping about.  That’s because gossip hurts people.  It’s hard to trust or respect gossips because you can never be too sure it won’t be you they’re talking about next, no matter how much you think they’re your friend.  When that person starts to gossip about other people just so they can hurt their feelings, it becomes bullying. 

Positive Relationships

Most people have positive relationships in their life.  Family, friends and other special people are great to share experiences, highs, lows and fun with.  These people help you through life and you get to help them too.

 

Good Friends

Mates, buddies, comrades, friends.  Friendship is a special relationship to have with another person.  When no one else will listen to what you have to say, a good friend may be the one person that will.  Sometimes you can share things with a friend that you can’t share with anyone else, not even your family!

Qualities Of A Good Friend

While having a friend that is interested in all the same things that you are is great, it isn’t always the most important part of being a friend.  Here are a few qualities that good friends expect from each other:

 

·         Trust - friends feel that they can rely on each other.

·         Respect – Friends respect each other.

·         Loyalty - friends stick up for each other, even if it’s hard.

·         Consideration - they consider each other’s feelings when saying or doing something.

·         Honesty - a friend will be honest with you, even when no one else will.

·         Someone who listens and understands - a friend is someone you can talk to.

·         Support - a friend is there to help you when you’re down, nervous or sick.

·         Tolerance - friends will often tolerate each other’s faults.

·         Giving & Sharing - a friend will share things with you.

·         Fun - a friend is great to be around.

 

The most important thing about a good friendship is that it is shared.  When you think about what it takes to be a good friend, the simplest question you should ask yourself is ‘How would I like a friend to treat me?’  Treating each other equally is a good place to start on the road to a strong friendship.

 

How Many Friends?

Some people have a lot of friends, some only have a few.  It’s easy to be jealous of a person who has a lot of friends, but truthfully it doesn’t matter!  As long as you are a good friend to the ones you have, you will have just as much fun.  In fact, those who have only a few friends find it easier to feel closer and spend more time with them.

Getting Friends

How do you get friends?  Some people find it very easy.  However, if you are like most people, making new friends isn’t that easy, especially if you have just moved into a new area or you don’t live near people your own age.  The easiest path to take is to find people who enjoy the same things as you.  The best way to do this is to look for groups or teams of like-minded people.  Here are some places to check out:

·         Sporting Clubs.

·         Community Clubs (like Volunteer Groups, Guides or Scouts).

·         Youth Groups (both religious and non - religious).

·         Art, Dance & Music Classes.

·         Computer & Internet Groups.

·         Remember that just sitting at home and waiting for new friends to magically appear doesn’t happen.  Be active!

Keeping Friends

A good friend is hard to find.  You don’t want to let something like that go. However, sometimes a friendship isn’t always a bed of roses.  You can’t always expect to agree with each other. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean the end of a friendship, but a friendship can be lost if you don’t work at it (though it’s mostly fun work!).

 

Working At Keeping A Friendship

If you left a plant in a dark corner and didn’t look after it, you wouldn’t expect it to last too long, would you?  Same thing goes for a friendship.  A friendship can fade if it’s not looked after.  If you have a good friendship already, it should be very easy to keep it going (you might not even realise you’re doing it).  Friendships need:

·         Time - spending time with your friends keeps things going.

·         Sharing - thoughts, ideas, stories, activities, games and… stuff.

·         Communication - talking and listening.

·         Respect - manners, loyalty, honesty, trust and tolerance.

 

 

Sorting Things Out

Arguments happen, even with friends.  Sorting things out is the only solution if you want to keep your friendship.  This doesn’t mean just saying you agree with them when you don’t.  It’s more than that.  Here are some tips:

Calm down - nothing will be fixed while one or both of you are angry or upset.  If you need to, go away by yourself for a while and calm down.  Don’t come back until you can speak and think reasonably.  If you find yourself heating up the moment you go back, go away again.

 

·         Talk - talk to your friend in a calm and respectful way.  It’s not easy, but yelling, screaming or being nasty won’t get you anywhere.

·         Listen - sometimes this can be the hardest thing you can do.  You won’t listen to someone if you’re angry with them.  Calm down first.  When you listen to what they have to say, don’t interrupt.  Wait until they have finished speaking and then reply.  Sometimes a good trick here is to repeat back to them what they said.  Say something like ‘If I’ve heard you right, you feel that…’ and give them a shortened (calm) version of what they’ve told you.  If you can’t do this, perhaps you haven’t listened as well as you should.

·         Keep it between both of you - the only people who need to be involved in sorting out an argument are those who are involved in it.  Bringing other friends in can make things more complicated, and people’s feelings can get hurt.  Of course if things are serious you may need a responsible older person that BOTH of you trust to help you sort things out.

·         Don’t resort to violence - you might as well kiss your friendship goodbye.  Violence will just make matters worse and possibly get you into serious trouble.

·         Try to get to a conclusion - if it’s at all possible try to settle things there and then, even if this means calling a truce until you can find a better time to sort things through properly.

 

Growing Apart

As people get older and their interests, beliefs and feelings change, their friendships can change too.  You may find that you’re becoming more interested in sports, while they’re moving more towards reading and music.  While this doesn’t mean that they can’t still be your friend, it can make things difficult to keep in touch with each other.

 

From here you can go a number of ways.  The best way is to stay friends, but just be the sort of friends that don’t see each other often.  It can mean that you have lots to talk about when you do get together.  You could both try out the new things that each of you is doing (it certainly doesn’t hurt to try out something new). These ways are good if you accept the changes that both of you are going through.  However if you don’t (say they’re turning into the sort of person that gets themselves - and their friends - into trouble) it may be time to let go and meet new people.

 

Peers, Cliques, Teams & Groups

You behave differently in a group of people than talking one on one with another person.  There’s a lot more to consider.  Some of the groups you will encounter are:

·         Peers – A group of equals, such as people the same age as you.

·         Clique – A group of people who are friends and share similar interests.

·         Team – A group of people who have joined together to achieve something.

 

 

Peers

Your peers are those people you are equal to, whether it is because of your age or what you’re interested in.  This usually means your friends and the people in your year at school, but can also mean people who share your interests like sporting, reading or any hobbies you may have.

 

Peer Pressure

The good thing about cliques is that they can feel good to be in, once you’re ‘in’ that is.  It can even feel safe to have a group of like-minded people around you.  A group can be a powerful thing, especially when you’re not sure of yourself.

 

On the flip side, you can often feel pressured to say or do things that you don’t feel like doing, just because the ‘group’ want to do it.  You may be told where to sit at lunch, what sort of clothes to wear and even who you can and cannot talk to.  This is called peer pressure.  An important part of growing and developing is that you need to form your own opinions and have your say.  Being part of a group that uses peer pressure can make that difficult.  If this is the way that you’re treated by your friends (especially if they are pressuring you into doing things you feel are wrong), then perhaps they really aren’t friends at all.

 

It can be difficult to move away from the safety of a group, but if they are stopping you from doing and being what you want to be, it’s not worth it.

 

Cliques

A clique is a group of friends who have something in common.  Sporting types, arty types, academic types, ‘alternative’ lifestyle types and computer types - they’re all around.  They’re not always as obvious as they are in movies, but from the point of view of a new person they can be painfully obvious.  Cliques are difficult to get into if you don’t exactly match the ‘type’ of people who are in them.  You have to decide then whether or not you want to be in them.

Worried About Not Fitting In

Most people want to fit in and to feel like they are part of a clique.  This is especially true when you’re growing up.  It may be tempting to wear similar clothes, listen to the same music, talk and do things like everyone else, but you shouldn’t have to do this to be accepted.  How you look, what you say, how you feel, what you think and do is what makes you ‘you’.  This is important and is something that you should never change just to please other people.  If so, you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Teams

A team is a group of people working together to achieve something, whether it be winning at sport or getting together to solve a problem or to win a competition.  Being part of a team can be a powerful thing.  The feeling of togetherness and the thrill of working together to achieve your goals can be incredible!  And if you don’t achieve the things you want, you have your team mates to lean on.

 

Teams can be:

·         Sporting teams, such as hockey, basketball, netball and football.

·         A group of friends organising something fun together.

·         Work teams, such as working together on a project for school or for the community.

 

Like all things where emotions can get high, being in a team can bring out very strong feelings.

 

Competition & Being Competitive

Some people don’t like to compete with other people at all.  It’s just the way they are.  They probably don’t like to play much sport because they don’t care whether they win or lose.  Other people are very competitive and love to turn everything into a contest – they play to win.  Most people fall somewhere between these two types.

Aggression In Teamwork

Enjoying a little bit of competition is perfectly normal and a helpful way to improve your skills.  There are some people though that take competition too far and become aggressive.  It seems that they have forgotten the fun side of competition and their sense of fair play goes out the window.  Perhaps they are in a sporting team and deliberately hurt another player or play rough in order to win.  Perhaps they ignore a member of the team who is trying to contribute just because they are a little bit slower than the others.  Perhaps they take over.  Whatever they do, if what they are doing isn’t fair, is too rough or isn’t part of a team effort, it’s not right.

Dealing With Aggression In Teamwork

It’s sometimes hard to deal with an aggressive team mate because they often argue that they are thinking about the team and just trying to win.  And winning is what everyone wants, right?  Well… yes and no.  Of course it feels good to win.  However, it doesn’t feel good to win if you didn’t win fairly and it doesn’t feel good if the team don’t feel like they’ve contributed or were allowed to contribute.

 

If someone is being too aggressive in a team there are ways to solve it:

·         Talk – You need to let the aggressive team mate know that what they are doing is not on.  Either do this as a team or if your team has a coach or a leader, get them to talk together.

·         Help – Sometimes people aren’t aware of what they’re doing that is so wrong.  At a good time (usually NOT when they’re all fired up) show them what they’re doing and what they should be doing.  This is worth a try, but it’s hard to break habits (and they may not want to listen).  Again, a Captain, Coach or Team Leader can be the best person for this kind of job.

·         Stop – No matter how good a team member may be or how much they contribute to a win, if they don’t play like they are in a team, they shouldn’t be in one.  It’s possible that some time out will help them see what they should be doing too.

Good Sports

It’s important, when you’re involved in a team, that you’re a good sport.  Being a good sport means that, whether you win or lose, you accept that fact cheerfully, thank the other team for playing you and move on.  Sport should be fun.  It is, after all, something you do for enjoyment.

 

Bad losers will:

·         Make up lots of excuses why they didn’t win.

·         Insult the winning side or refuse to thank or talk to the other side.

·         Try and cheat if they realise they are losing during a match.

·         Be upset for a long time at the fact that they lost.

 

People talk a lot about bad losers, but you can have bad winners too. 

 

A bad winner will:

·         Tease and insult the other team about the fact that they lost.

·         Boast continually about the fact that they won (LONG after everyone’s tired of hearing about it).

·         Try and cheat if they realise they are losing during a match.

 

Winning is good, but if you’re not prepared to treat the other team, their coach and the game officials (umpires, referees or judges) with respect, there’s no point in playing.

 

More Than Friends

It’s human to want to be very close to people and intimacy and personal relationships are something that young people sometimes begin as they move into adolescence.  Movies, TV and magazines can give you the impression that kissing, relationships and sex are all that’s important. That’s definitely not true for most young people.  Relationships can be important, but it’s important to keep them in perspective with other things in your life.

 

Dating

When you ask someone to go out with you, it’s often called ‘dating’ or ’going out’ (or other   names depending on where you live).  It’s usually an opportunity for you and the person you are with to find out more about each other, and work out whether you want to get to know them better.  A date is different from a ‘relationship’, where people are seen as a ‘couple’.  Going on a date usually means a casual get together that’s as romantic as you and the person you are with want it to be.

 

You may decide to go to a show such as a movie or a band, to a place like a theme park or a zoo, or to do something active like skating or sport.  You may go by yourselves or with a group.

 

A date can end with both of you going your own ways.  It can end in friendship or more dating.  If you date that same person for a long period of time, it starts to become a romantic relationship.

 

Should I Be Dating?

It’s a tricky thing.  You see people a couple of years older than you dating and wonder if you should be doing it too.  So, when is the ‘best’ time to start thinking about dating other people?

 

Usually a date with someone is a way of saying, ‘I may be interested in you romantically’, even if it is just a casual interest.  Many young people are not interested in the romance side of things.  If this describes you then that’s fine (and normal!) and you have nothing to worry about.  Don’t feel you have to do something that doesn’t feel right, just because other people are doing it.  You’re your own person.  This doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with them of course! 

 

The other important thing to consider here is what your parents or carers feel.  Talk to them about your feelings (this may be hard for some but it’s important).  Remember, they are the people who care and support you and will be there long after your date has left.  If you want to start dating it’s best to have them on your side rather than against you. 

 

Negative Relationships

It’s an unfortunate fact that people can’t always get along.  Even worse than this is the damage some people are able to inflict on others, whether it’s physical, sexual or emotional.  It’s hard to understand why this happens, but it pays to be aware that abuse, discrimination and prejudice still exist. 

 

 

Abuse

Abuse is misuse of the power that adults have over young people.  Your parents and teachers naturally have power over you. Most young people will do what adults tell them, even when the adults are not their relatives or teachers.  Abuse is when adults use their power to do things to young people that are wrong and that the young person does not want. 

 

Young people have a right not to be abused.  The law punishes adults that abuse children in any way.  See ‘Dealing With Abuse’ on what to do if you think you or people you know might be being abused.

 

Being told off, grounded or punished by parents or teachers is not abuse because the adult is using their power for the young person’s good.  Abuse is when an adult uses their power for their own pleasure or doesn’t use their power for the young person’s good.

 

 

Physical Abuse

This is when adults punish children by hitting, kicking or shaking them.  Being smacked gently by a relative is not abuse because it is done for the young person’s own good. However, punishment that gives young people bruises, a black eye or a broken bone is abuse. 

 

 

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is when people touch you in ways or in places that you don’t want.  This is true for young people and for adults.  All people including young people have rights to privacy and to not have their body touched in ways they don’t want. 

 

Sexual abuse is also when people over 16 other than your parents or doctor touch young people in intimate places (under your clothes, inside your underwear, on your genitals or bottom), whether the young person allowed it or not.

 

Sexual abuse is wrong because it doesn’t respect young people’s rights and also because it is very damaging to young people’s emotional health.

 

Thinking about sexual abuse can be very confusing, because humans like to touch, hug and kiss each other out of friendship as well as love.  Not ever touching people is also bad for your emotional health.

 

The easiest way to work out what is and isn’t abuse is to remember that if it feels wrong or you feel you are being forced into something, it might be abuse. Here are some examples that might help:

 

What Is Sexual Abuse?

·         People touching you in ways or places you don’t want, especially on your genitals (girls: vagina or breasts; boys: penis) or bottom. This is true for other young people as well as adults, and is true for people of the same sex as you as well as the opposite sex.  Even adults you know (like relatives) should not touch you in this way.

·         People showing you private parts of their body on purpose without asking your permission.  This is true of young people your age as well as adults.

·         Adults talking about sex or your body to you in a way that you don’t like.  This includes showing pictures or reading stories.

 

Remember, people can make mistakes and touch you by accident in a way you don’t like.  This isn’t abuse if they stop when you ask them to.

 

What Isn’t Sexual Abuse?

These things aren’t sexual abuse (unless they make you feel really uncomfortable).

·         People you know (including teachers) giving you a hug or touching you on top of your clothes in a friendly way (like putting their arm around you or putting a hand on your shoulder if you are upset).

·         Being examined by a doctor or a nurse (with your parent’s permission).

·         People of the same age having a sexual relationship if they both agree to it.

·         People touching you by accident in private places (as long as it’s really by accident).

 

 

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse means either adults bullying young people or neglecting them. See our bullying section for how to deal with bullies, even when they are adults.

 

Dealing With Abuse

Dealing with abuse is the same for physical, sexual and emotional abuse.

 

If you think that you or someone that you know might be being abused, tell an adult you trust.  Adults have a responsibility to make sure that children are not being abused.  Sometimes telling on abusers is very difficult.  For example, if a relative is touching you in a way you don’t like, it can be very hard and embarrassing to tell your parents about it. Sometimes talking to your friends helps in this situation, as they can help you talk to a responsible adult.

 

If you are not sure about what someone is doing to you or if it feels wrong, tell them to stop. If they don’t stop, talk to someone about it as this might be bullying or abuse.

 

If you think that one of your friends might be being abused, help them to talk to someone about it.

 

If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault and not because you are weird or weak or different.  The adult is at fault and deserves to be punished.

 

 

Stereotypes, Discrimination & Harassment

Even within the space of one day, you will meet a wide variety of people.  You’ll see men and women that are of a variety of ages, sizes, shapes, nationalities, skin tones, abilities, interests and personalities.  How you treat these people is important.  Stereotyping, discrimination and harassment can still be seen in society and it’s important to do everything possible to make sure that you, and the people around you, are treated with respect.

 

What Are Stereotypes?

You can describe people in many ways:

·         nationality

·         looks

·         age

·         job

·         interests

·         personality

·         language

·         disability

·         gender (male or female)

 

People are often put into or talked about as a group. For example, you could group people such as teachers, babies, skateboarders, high school children, women or men.  This is okay.  Sometimes though, statements are made about a group of people that suggest they are all the same when it is just not true.  Some examples of this could be ‘All men like football’, ‘All skateboarders cause trouble’, ‘All Italians like to eat spaghetti’ or ‘All teachers are nasty and strict’.  This is stereotyping.

 

 

Why Do People Use Stereotypes?

People use stereotypes for many reasons. The truth is that any of these characters could be a doctor.  If you picked a character with a white coat and bag it would be stereotyping.  Why?  Because this is the way doctors have been portrayed in movies, TV shows, advertisements, plays, books, comics and other media for quite some time.  Using stereotypes in this way means that you can recognise what is going on quickly, because it relies on ways that people think.  Whether this is a good or a bad thing depends on other factors.

 

When Is Stereotyping Bad?

Stereotyping is not good when people are insulted, embarrassed or disadvantaged by what is said about the group being stereotyped.  For example, it was once very common for some people to think that all doctors were men and all nurses were women.  However, saying this doesn’t take into account all the female doctors and male nurses out there!  Saying that all skateboarders cause trouble and break the rules completely misses all of those skateboarders that do the right thing (and that would be most skateboarders!).  Using stereotypes in this way hurts people’s feelings, shows little respect, and can lead to discrimination and prejudice.

 

What Is Discrimination And Prejudice?

Prejudice is to prejudge somebody (the word ‘prejudice’ comes from ‘prejudge’) before you actually know them.  For example, if we were to use the negative stereotype ‘Girls don’t understand computers’, a prejudiced person will believe all girls are like that before ever finding out whether or not it is true (and of course it isn’t true!).  A person who believes this may choose a boy over a girl for a computer activity without even finding out who was the better person at using computers.  When this happens, it is called discrimination.

 

A person could be prejudiced about someone’s gender, age, job, nationality, skin colour, interests, or any other aspect of them that makes them different from other people. A person may even be prejudiced about people who are similar to themselves!

 

Why Are Some People Prejudiced?

Some people are prejudiced because the people around them are that way.  They were raised with those prejudices and find it hard not to think in those terms.  Sometimes they don’t even realise they’re doing it!  Some people are prejudiced because it makes them feel better and more powerful than others.  This can often lead to bullying and harassment, whether it is bullying that can hurt people or bullying that makes people feel small.  Whatever the reason, prejudice and discrimination are never right.

 

 

What Can Be Done About Prejudice?

It may sound a little silly to say something so obvious, but everyone is different.  We all have different opinions, looks, tastes and experiences.  That is the way people should be treated too: like they are different from everyone else.  The word used for keeping an open mind and trying to understand people’s viewpoints is tolerance. 

 

·         When you meet someone, learn more about them before judging who they are.  Never think you can work out who they are and what they know and believe by how they look, or what they wear.

·         Sharing experiences with someone new is a great way to learn about things that you’ve never encountered before.  It’s much harder to be prejudiced against a person if you understand them better. By understanding others you also learn new things as well!

·         You can’t learn about everyone in the world from those you meet from day to day.  However, this is no reason to assume things about who they are and how they behave.  Read and pay attention to what is happening around the world to get a better understanding of those around you.  If something is happening in another country that you want to know more about, check out what is going on from a variety of places (television, newspapers, the Internet etc.) so that you have the best chance of getting different opinions about what is happening.

·         While accepting people for their differences is good, accepting people’s bad behaviour is not.  If people behave in a way that hurts others or breaks the rules, this should not be tolerated.

 

 

What Is Harassment?

Harassment is when someone continually humiliates, disturbs or attacks another person. 

Harassment can:

·         Focus on a prejudice (like a person’s nationality, skin colour or sexual preference).

·         Be unwanted sexual advances.

·         Be intimidating or bullying that physically threatens you.

·         Be teasing or bullying that makes you feel small.

·         Harassment is usually something that happens continually, although some things are harassment if they happen just once.  Whatever the form of harassment, if people are hurt or offended, it’s never pleasant and never right.

 

Why Do Some People Harass Others?

There is no easy answer to this question, but here are some things that people who harass others have in common:

·         People who put other people down can often be insecure and do it to make themselves feel powerful.

·         They sometimes can’t see things from another person’s point of view.

·         Some do this because they've been hurt by others so they either see this way as normal or feel that the best way to avoid being harassed is to harass other people.

 

 

What Can You Do About Harassment?

The first and most important thing to be concerned about with harassment is your safety.  If you are being harassed or you know of someone who is, here are some tips:

·         Never resort to violence.  It never helps and could actually make things worse.

·         Try to ease out of the situation by ignoring the person, walking away or by using humour.

·         If possible, try to stick with friends rather than being alone.  It stops the person from having a chance to corner you.

·         Importantly, contact an adult who you know will listen to you and help. 

 

Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment is when other people touch you or talk about sex to you in a way that you don’t want.  Some forms of sexual harassment are:

·         Being called sexual or sexy names that embarrass you.

·         People commenting in embarrassing ways on how you look or dress.

·         Other people touching you in ways that you don’t want, especially in private places.

·         People constantly asking you to go out with them when you don’t want to.

 

When sexual harassment comes from adults to young people, it is called sexual abuse, but young people can sexually harass other young people.

 

What is and what isn’t sexual harassment can be confusing, as sometimes other people will do things by mistake that you don’t want or like.  Somebody commenting on how you look or asking you out once is not harassment.  However, if they keep doing it after you show them you don’t want it, that becomes harassment.  Some things are always harassment the first time they happen (like people you don’t like touching you in private places).

 

 

What To Do About Sexual Harassment

If someone is making you uncomfortable and you think you might be being sexually harassed, tell them to STOP very clearly.  If they keep it up after you have clearly said NO, they are harassing you.

 

You have a right not to be sexually harassed.  Sometimes you can deal with minor sexual harassment by using humour or ignoring it. If this doesn’t work or the harassment is severe, you should tell someone you trust – your friends or an adult.  They can help deal with the problem.