What Is Self- Esteem?

Self-esteem describes the way you see and feel about yourself and the things that you do.  People can feel good or bad about different parts of themselves. If you are happy about your appearance and the way you act, and if you feel happy with what you achieve, you probably have a high self-esteem. 

 

Self-esteem is different from arrogance and telling people that you are wonderful. Self-esteem means being mostly happy about who you are.

 

 

Why Is Self - Esteem Important?

Self-esteem affects many things in your life, including:

·         Happiness: Feeling content with yourself is probably the most important key to happiness in life.

·         What you can achieve: What young people achieve is often only limited by what they believe they can do!

·         How easily you make friends: If you respect and like yourself, it is strange but true that other people will find it easier to respect and like you too.

·         Your independence: People who take pride in themselves are also more likely to think for themselves and not just follow blindly what other people do or say.

 

 

Where does Self-Esteem come from?

Self - Esteem isn’t something you are born with or can buy at a shop!  Your self-esteem develops and grows while you do.  The people that surround you, help and encourage you to grow and take risks and tell you whether you’ve done the right or wrong thing.  From all of this information you gradually form an opinion of yourself – which is your self-esteem.

 

 

Positive And Negative Self-Esteem

If you mostly feel good about yourself and what you do, you have a positive, high or good self - esteem.  If you generally don’t, your self-esteem may not be very high.

 

A Really Positive Self-Esteem

When someone has high self-esteem, they tend to be mostly happy and confident.  They believe in themselves and are happy when they succeed at things, no matter how small that success is.  When they make mistakes, they look at how and why things went wrong and move on from there without getting upset.  They join in with others and respect other’s differences.  People with a high self-esteem mostly enjoy life!

 

 

A Really Negative Self-Esteem

Having poor self-esteem gives you little confidence in yourself, and can make you criticise yourself and feel bad when you haven’t done anything wrong.  This is why having low self-esteem can make you unhappy and not achieve so well at school. It can also lead you to avoid doing anything that you might be unsuccessful at.  The good news is that you can do things to improve your self-esteem.

 

 

Influences On Self-Esteem

Your self-esteem develops as you grow.  It may sound silly, but when you were younger how you felt about yourself depended on the people around you!  As you get older, the influences on your self-esteem change and grow too.

 

Family, Friends & Community

Probably the most important people for developing your self-esteem as you grow up are your parents, carers and teachers.  These are the people who show you the world around you and how you should (and shouldn’t) act within it.  Like all people in the world, some carers are very good at praising people and encouraging them to do the right thing, while others use criticism to put people down.  This can reflect on a person’s self-esteem.  It’s situations like these when developing a good self-esteem for yourself is important.  It can also be the hardest.

 

 

School

School and other places where you see people your age can affect your self - esteem.  If bullying is a problem for you, it can often lead to feelings of low self–esteem, whether it’s bullying that threatens you (fighting) or bullying that makes you feel small (teasing).  It’s important to stop bullying by taking charge and letting an adult know what’s going on so that you can be happy and safe at school.

 

 

Inner Criticism

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy when it comes to self-esteem!  At times it can feel safer to put ourselves down before someone else does it, but all that does is feed a low self-esteem!  You can find fault in everything you do, but the sooner you control your ‘inner enemy’, the quicker you’re on your way to feeling better about yourself.  You are the only person who can do it too.

 

 

Personal Abilities

When there’s something that other people can do that you can’t, your self-esteem can go right down, especially when it stops you from joining in the fun.  Here are some important things to remember though:

o       Look at what you want.  If it is something you will never be able to do, then the best thing to do is accept it.  There is no point worrying about what you can’t change.

o       Realise that you have skills and abilities that other people don’t have. Everyone is different.

o       If it’s a skill (like swimming) that you can learn, why not take lessons?

 

 

Increased Responsibility

As you get older you will find that you will be given more jobs to do around the house and at school.  You’ll be expected to take on more responsibilities and be a role model for the younger people you know.  Sometimes this extra responsibility might feel like a bit too much to handle and you may even wish you were little again so you didn’t have so much to do!  Just remember though, that these new duties are your parents, carers and teacher’s way of telling you that you’re growing up.  If you accept your new position and show that you are trustworthy and can do your new jobs well, then your self - esteem will get a big boost too!

 

 

Changing Needs & Requirements

Getting older means lots of physical changes, but it also means changing what you want out of life too!  You may want a little more privacy in your room or you may want to change the style of clothes you wear.  Sometimes your parents, carers or teachers don’t realise this and that can hurt your self - esteem a little because you want to be seen as older.  Just remember though, that actions speak louder than words: you have to show you’re older by acting more responsible and taking on more duties.  After that you could try talking with them and explaining what you’d like.  You may not always get the answer you want but it’s important to try.

 

 

Effects of Puberty

Sometimes there seems to be so many changes that are happening to your body that it feels like it’s never going to end!  Growth spurts, maturing bodies, attitude changes; all that instability can hurt your self -esteem!  It’s important to remember though, that these changes are happening (or will happen) to everyone at some stage.  While it’s hard to look beyond yourself when this is happening, everyone going though puberty will probably have the same type of feelings that you are experiencing.

 

Media & Culture

When watching television, seeing a movie, reading a magazine or surfing the Internet, many people look at the images of models and celebrities and wished that they looked more like them.  From the ultra thin women of a beauty product advertisement to the huge muscular men in action movies, young people can feel pressure to try and change the way they are to fit that ideal of the ‘perfect’ body and this brings about low self-esteem and a poor body image.

 

The biggest thing to remember about these ideals is exactly that: they are ideals.  Images on television and magazines are changed: moles are erased, waists are made thinner and colours are made brighter than they are in real life.   Attempting to reach these unrealistic goals will do little more than reduce your self-esteem.  It’s more important to eat healthily, get regular exercise and let nature take its course than try to become something that you’re not.

 

 

Body Image

One part of your self-esteem is your body image.  It’s the way you see your body and how you feel about it.  Some people are very happy with how they look while others aren’t satisfied.  Those that aren’t happy with their bodies often try to change it somehow, by trying to lose or gain weight, building up huge muscles and sometimes even using surgery to achieve their desired look.  Worse still, your body image may have nothing to do with the way your body actually looks!  People can be attractive and well dressed yet feel ‘fat and ugly’. 

 

 

Body Types

There are many different body types.  So which is the ’right’ one for you?  The truth is that there is no one body shape that is ’right’, and many factors affect your body shape, not just your height and weight.  Everyone has different amounts of muscle and body fat.  During puberty especially, most people increase their body weight, which is a combination of a growing body and gaining body fat.  How can there be a ’right’ body shape if everyone is still growing and developing?  We are all different, and that’s okay. In fact it would be strange if we were all the same.  It’s important to accept people no matter what their shape and size is, whether it is you or the people around you.

 

 

Eating Disorders

In serious cases, a poor body image can lead to an eating disorder.  Eating disorders are conditions that occur when someone tries to become thin in an unhealthy way.  Examples of this are the eating disorders anorexia nervosa and bulimia. 

 

Anorexia Nervosa

Anorexia is when a person has an intense fear of being fat.  A person who has anorexia eats very little and what they do eat is obsessed over.  This results in them being underweight for their height and age, causing them to become very sick and possibly starve.  Even then, a person with anorexia will still feel that they are too fat.  Both men and women can have anorexia, but it is more common in women. 

 

 

Bulimia

Bulimia is a little different to anorexia.  A person with bulimia will eat large amounts of food quickly (called ‘binge’ eating), and will then throw up the food they have eaten, or take laxatives that will make them go to the toilet more.  It’s not as obvious to pick someone who has bulimia, as their weight stays more or less normal, though there may be changes in their weight from time to time.  People with bulimia can suffer from stomach cramps and can damage their kidneys, throat and teeth from throwing up so often.  Like anorexia, it is a condition that is more common with women. 

 

What To Do About An Eating Disorder

Recognising that there is a problem is the hardest hurdle for someone with an eating disorder, and knowing what to do about someone in your family who has one is a very difficult thing.  If you know someone who you think may have an eating disorder, talk to an adult you trust, ask your doctor or see a health care specialist for advice.

 

 

 

How Do You Look Your Best?

Looking your best isn’t about making yourself super thin or having surgery to make yourself look different.  Like anything, your body will look its best if you take care of it.  You do that by:

o       Eating healthy foods

o       Exercising regularly and keeping active

o       Getting plenty of rest

 

Feeling Good About Yourself

How other people see you and treat you can be affected by how you feel about yourself.  When you feel good about yourself, you are able to spend less time dwelling on what you could be or should be, and more time out enjoying life! 

 

Boosting Your Self-Esteem

When you’re feeling down about yourself, it’s always good to give your self-esteem a bit of a kick-start in the right direction.  Realising that you need a self - esteem boost is a big step towards helping a low self - esteem.  Here are some tips as to how.

 

Deal With Body Issues

Always remember that your body is your own.  Accept it!  It’s what you were born with; from your eye colour down to your shoe size and most of it you can’t (or shouldn’t) change. If it helps to talk to someone about things like your height or weight, see your doctor. 

 

 

Get Out And About

Sometimes the best way to relieve stress is to be active!  Get out of the house, go for a walk, or kick a ball around in a park.  Burning up energy is a great way to relieve stress.

 

 

Stop Negative Thoughts Before They Start

Pay attention to the thoughts you have (you can if you try!).  The moment you start putting yourself down: stop yourself.  The moment you start kicking yourself for things you have or haven’t done is the moment that problems start seeming out of control.  Accept things for what they are and, if you can, deal with them.

 

 

Remind Yourself Of What You Can Do

Remind yourself of all the good things you can do.  Remember: no one is good at everything and no one is bad at everything.  You have skills and abilities that other people don’t.  Remind yourself of this rather than putting yourself down.

 

 

Have Your Say

If you have an opinion or an idea, say it!  If you have your say in a calm, well-mannered and confident way, most people will listen and accept your views, even if they don’t agree with them. 

 

 

Help Out

Helping other people really makes you feel better about yourself.  Take part in fund raising activities, help out at a school stall at a fair or fete or lend a hand to a friend or a younger person who’s having trouble at school.  You’ll be surprised how easy it is to make a difference for other people and yourself!

 

 

Compliment Yourself

It pays to regularly find good things that you have done and give yourself a pat on the back for them.  Perhaps you’ve got through a whole day of school without getting into trouble.  Maybe you’ve been a good friend today.  You may have done a nice thing for your parents without being asked!  Whatever it is, take the time to remember it.  It will certainly make you feel better about yourself.

 

People Who Will Help

While it’s easy to say, sometimes overcoming a low self-esteem is hard to do.  At this point it’s often easy to let everything overwhelm you and give up trying to improve your self - esteem, but there are people who can help.  See an adult you trust and like, such as a parent, carer, relative, teacher, counsellor or friend to help overcome those difficult hurdles.  If you feel that there is no one you know that you can talk to, many communities have kid or teen help centres that you can phone or visit.  Check them out.  Remember: you don’t have to do it alone.

 

 

Setting Goals

Setting realistic goals is an excellent way to give yourself a boost.  If there is something that you’re not happy with about yourself that you can change, whether it is what your bedroom looks like or if you’re always late to things, then take control and do something about it.

 

1.      Identify what you want to change

o       Make sure it’s something you CAN change.

o       While it’s good to think big, DON’T be a perfectionist! 

o       Don’t set too many goals!  It’s much easier to concentrate on one thing than several.

2.      Make a plan

o       There may be more than one way to fix the problem.  Decide which one you will use.

o       Break what you want to do down into achievable steps.

o       Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to do each step.  There’s no point rushing!

3.      Get To Work

o       Follow your plan (that’s the tricky bitJ).

o       If at first you don’t succeed, have another try.  Don’t Give Up!  There will often be hiccups along the way.  It’s important not to give up the first time something goes wrong.

o       If things are not working after a while, look back at your plan; maybe a different strategy is needed for your plan to work.

o       Don’t stop just before you’re finished!  See the whole plan through!

4.      Success!

o       You’ve achieved your goals!  Brilliant!

o       Don’t forget to be proud of your achievements.  Boost that self-esteem a bit!  Remember, that’s why you’re doing it.

5.      Keep It Up!

o       Sometimes it’s very easy to stop there.  The trick though is to keep up the good work!  You’ve got through the hard bit now. 

 

 

The Sweet Smell Of Success!

There’s nothing like succeeding at something to improve your self-esteem.  Setting goals that you can achieve (and achieving them) is always good but, if you don’t always succeed or if you make a mistake, don’t sweat it!  It’s often said but it’s true:  EVERYONE makes mistakes.  In fact, it’s the mistakes you make that lead you to success.  Like a baby taking its first steps, if you don’t take a chance and risk falling down a few times, you’ll never learn to walk.  Accepting this fact will take you a long way towards developing a positive self-esteem.  The biggest failure is when you stop trying.