There are a lot of people in the world.  Most you don't know, some you do, a few are your friends and a few mean even more to you than that! 

 

Circle of Relationships

There are a lot of people in the world.  Most you don't know, some you do, a few are your friends and a few mean even more to you than that! 

 

 

Starting Out And Fitting In

Some people move from place to place with their family every year, while other people live in the same house all their lives!  When you move from one place to another, it can be hard to just start from scratch and make new friends, especially if you have never had to do it before. 

 

 

What’s a Clique?

A clique is a group of friends who have something in common.  Sporting types, arty types, academic types, ‘alternative’ lifestyle types, computer types - they’re all around.  They’re not always as obvious as they are in movies, but from the point of view of a new person they can be painfully obvious.  Cliques are difficult to get into if you don’t exactly match the ‘type’ of people who are in them.  You have to then decide whether or not you want to be in them.

 

 

Trying To Fit In

Most people want to fit in and to feel like they are part of a clique.  This is especially true when you’re growing up.  It may be tempting to wear similar clothes, listen to the same music, talk and do things like everyone else, but you shouldn’t have to do this to be accepted.  How you look, what you say, how you feel, and what you think and do is what makes you you.  This is important and is something that you should never change just to please other people.  If so, you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons.

 

 

Peer Pressure

The good thing about cliques is that they can feel good to be in, once you’re ‘in’ that is.  It can even feel safe to have a group of like-minded people around you.  A group can be a powerful thing, especially when you’re not sure of yourself.

 

On the flip side, you can often feel pressured to say or do things that you don’t feel like doing, just because the ‘group’ want to do it.  You may be told where to sit at lunch, what sort of clothes to wear and even who you can and can’t talk to.  This is called peer pressure.  An important part of growing and developing is that you need to form your own opinions and have your say.  Being part of a group that uses peer pressure can make that difficult.  If this is the way that you’re treated by your friends (especially if they are pressuring you into doing things you feel are wrong), then perhaps they really aren’t friends at all.

 

It can be difficult to move away from the safety of a group, but if they are stopping you from doing and being what you want to be, it’s not worth it.

 

 

Good Friends

Mates, buddies, comrades, friends.  Friendship is a special relationship to have with another person.  When no one else will listen to what you have to say, a good friend may be the one person that will.  Sometimes you can share things with a friend that you can’t share with anyone else, not even your family!

 

 

Qualities Of A Good Friend

While having a friend that is interested in all the same things that you are is great, it isn’t always the most important part of being a friend.  Here are a few qualities that good friends expect from each other:

 

·         Trust - friends feel that they can rely on each other

·         Respect - friends treat each other with courtesy

·         Loyalty - friends stick up for each other, even if it’s hard

·         Consideration - they consider each other’s feelings when saying or doing something

·         Honesty - a friend will be honest with you, even when no one else will

·         Someone who listens and understands - a friend is someone you can talk to

·         Support - a friend is there to help you when you’re down, nervous or sick

·         Tolerance - friends will often tolerate each other’s faults

·         Giving & Sharing - a friend will share things with you

·         Fun - a friend is great to be around

 

The most important thing about a good friendship is that it is shared.  When you think about what it takes to be a good friend, the simplest question you should ask yourself is ‘How would I like a friend to treat me?’  Treating each other equally is a good place to start on the road to a strong friendship.

 

 

How Many Friends?

Some people have a lot of friends, some only have a few.  It’s easy to be jealous of a person who has a lot of friends, but truthfully it doesn’t matter!  As long as you are a good friend to the ones you have you will have just as much fun.  In fact, those who have only a few friends find it easier to feel closer and spend more time with them.

 

 

Getting Friends

How do you get friends?  Some people find it very easy.  However, if you are like most people, making new friends isn’t that easy, especially if you have just moved into a new area or you don’t live near people your own age.  The easiest path to take is to find people who enjoy the same things as you.  The best way to do this is to look for groups or teams of like-minded people.  Here are some places to check out:

·         Sporting Clubs

·         Community Clubs (like Volunteer Groups, Guides or Scouts)

·         Youth Groups (both religious and non - religious)

·         Art, Dance & Music Classes

·         Computer & Internet Groups

Remember that just sitting at home and waiting for new friends to magically appear doesn’t happen.  Be active!

 

 

Keeping Friends

A good friend is hard to find.  You don’t want to let something like that go.  But sometimes a friendship isn’t always a bed of roses.  You can’t always expect to agree with each other. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean the end of a friendship, but a friendship can be lost if you don’t work at it (though it’s mostly fun work!).

 

Working At Keeping A Friendship

If you left a plant in a dark corner and didn’t look after it, you wouldn’t expect it to last too long, would you?  Same thing goes for a friendship.  A friendship can fade if it’s not looked after.  If you have a good friendship already, it should be very easy to keep it going (you might not even realise you’re doing it).  Friendships need:

·         Time - spending time with your friends keeps things going

·         Sharing - thoughts, ideas, stories, activities, games and… stuff

·         Communication - talking and listening

·         Respect - manners, loyalty, honesty, trust and tolerance

 

 

Sorting Things Out

Arguments happen, even with friends.  Sorting things out is the only solution if you want to keep your friendship.  This doesn’t mean just saying you agree with them when you don’t.  It’s more than that.  Here are some tips:

·         Calm down - nothing will be fixed while one or both of you are angry or upset.  If you need to, go away by yourself for a while and calm down.  Don’t come back until you can speak and think reasonably.  If you find yourself heating up the moment you go back, go away again.

·         Talk - talk to your friend in a calm and respectful way.  It’s not easy, but yelling, screaming or being nasty won’t get you anywhere.

·         Listen - sometimes this can be the hardest thing you can do.  You won’t listen to someone if you’re angry at them.  Calm down first.  When you listen to what they have to say, don’t interrupt.  Wait until they have finished speaking and then reply.  Sometimes a good trick here is to repeat back to them what they said.  Say something like ‘If I’ve heard you right, you feel that…’ and give them a shortened (calm) version of what they’ve told you.  If you can’t do this, perhaps you haven’t listened as well as you should.

·         Keep it between both of you - the only people who need to be involved in sorting out an argument are those who are involved in it.  Bringing other friends in can make things more complicated, and people’s feelings can get hurt.  Of course if things are serious you may need a responsible older person that BOTH of you trust to help you sort things out.

·         Don’t resort to violence - you might as well kiss your friendship goodbye.  Violence will just make matters worse and possibly get you into serious trouble.

·         Try to come to a conclusion - if it’s at all possible try to settle things there and then, even if this means calling a truce until you can find a better time to sort things through properly.

 

 

Growing Apart

As people get older and their interests, beliefs and feelings change, their friendships can change too.  You may find that you’re becoming more interested in sports, while they’re moving more towards reading and music.  While this doesn’t mean that they can’t still be your friend, it can make things difficult to keep in touch with each other.

 

From here you can go a number of ways.  The best way is to stay friends, but just be the sort of friends that don’t see each other often.  It can mean that you have lots to talk about when you do get together.  You could both try out the new things that each of you are doing (it certainly doesn’t hurt to try out something new). These ways are good if you accept the changes that both of you are going through.  However, if you don’t (say they’re turning into the sort of person that gets themselves - and their friends - into trouble) it may be time to let go and meet new people.

 

 

 

Stereotypes, Discrimination & Harassment

Even within the space of one day, you will meet a wide variety of people.  You’ll see men and women that are of a variety of ages, sizes, shapes, nationalities, skin tones, abilities, interests and personalities.  How you treat these people is important.  Stereotyping, discrimination and harassment can still be seen in society and it’s important to do everything possible to make sure that you, and the people around you, are treated with respect.

 

 

What is Stereotyping?

You can describe people in many ways:

·         nationality

·         looks

·         age

·         job

·         interests

·         personality

·         language

·         disability

·         gender (male or female)

People are often put into or talked about as a group. For example, you could group people such as teachers, babies, skateboarders, high school children, women or men.  This is okay.  Sometimes though, statements are made about a group of people that suggest they are all the same when it is just not true.  Some examples of this could be ‘All men like football’, ‘All skateboarders cause trouble’, ‘All Italians like to eat spaghetti’ or ‘All teachers are nasty and strict’.  This is stereotyping.

 

Why Do People Use Stereotypes?

People use stereotypes for many reasons.  For example, which of the characters below do you think is a doctor?

 

 

The truth is that any of these characters could be a doctor.  If you picked a character with a white coat and bag it would be stereotyping.  Why?  Because this is the way doctors have been portrayed in movies, TV shows, advertisements, plays, books, comics and other media for quite some time.  Using stereotypes in this way means that you can recognise what is going on quickly, because it relies on ways that people think.  Whether this is a good or a bad thing depends on other factors.

 

When Is Stereotyping Bad?

Stereotyping is not good when people are insulted, embarrassed or disadvantaged by what is said about the group being stereotyped.  For example, it was once very common for some people to think that all doctors were men and all nurses were women. However, saying this doesn’t take into account all the female doctors and male nurses out there!  Saying that all skateboarders cause trouble and break the rules completely misses all of those skateboarders that do the right thing (and that would be most skateboarders!).  Using stereotypes in this way hurts people’s feelings, shows little respect, and can lead to discrimination and prejudice.

 

 

What Are Discrimination and Prejudice?

Prejudice is to prejudge somebody (the word ‘prejudice’ comes from ‘prejudge’) before you actually know them.  For example, if we were to use the negative stereotype ‘Girls don’t understand computers’, a prejudiced person will believe all girls are like that before ever finding out whether or not it is true (and of course it isn’t true!).  A person who believes this may choose a boy over a girl for a computer activity without even finding out who was the better person at using computers.  When this happens, it is called discrimination.

 

A person could be prejudiced about someone’s gender, age, job, nationality, skin colour, interests, or any other aspect of them that makes them different from other people. A person may even be prejudiced about people who are similar to themselves!

 

Why Are People Prejudiced?

Some people are prejudiced because the people around them are that way.  They were raised with those prejudices and find it hard not to think in those terms.  Sometimes they don’t even realise they’re doing it!  Some people are prejudiced because it makes them feel better and more powerful than others.  This can often lead to bullying and harassment, whether it is bullying that can hurt people or bullying that makes people feel small.  Whatever the reason, prejudice and discrimination are never right.

 

 

What Can Be Done About Prejudice?

It may sound a little silly to say something so obvious, but everyone is different.  We all have different opinions, looks, tastes and experiences.  That is the way people should be treated too: like they are different from everyone else.  The word used for keeping an open mind and trying to understand people’s viewpoints is tolerance. 

 

·         When you meet someone, learn more about them before judging who they are.  Never think you can work out who they are and what they know and believe by how they look, or what they wear.

·         Sharing experiences with someone new is a great way to learn about things that you’ve never encountered before.  It’s much harder to be prejudiced against a person if you understand them better. By understanding others you also learn new things as well!

·         You can’t learn about everyone in the world from those you meet from day to day.  However, this is no reason to assume things about who they are and how they behave.  Read and pay attention to what is happening around the world to get a better understanding of those around you.  If something is happening in another country that you want to know more about, check out what is going on from a variety of places (television, newspapers, the Internet etc.) so that you have the best chance of getting different opinions about what is happening.

·         While accepting people for their differences is good, accepting people’s bad behaviour is not.  If people behave in a way that hurts others or breaks the rules, this should not be tolerated. 

 

 

What Is Harassment?

Harassment is when someone continually humiliates, disturbs or attacks another person. 

Harassment can:

·         focus on a prejudice (like a person’s nationality, skin colour or sexual preference)

·         be unwanted sexual advances

·         be intimidating or bullying that physically threatens you

·         be teasing or bullying that makes you feel small

Harassment is usually something that happens continually, although some things are harassment if they happen just once.  Whatever the form of harassment, if people are hurt or offended, it’s never pleasant and never right.

 

Why Do Some People Harass Others?

There is no easy answer to this question, but here are some things that people who harass others have in common:

·         People who put other people down can often be insecure and do it to make themselves feel powerful

·         They sometimes can’t see things from another person’s point of view

·         Some do this because they've been hurt by others so they either see this way as normal or feel that the best way to avoid being harassed is to harass other people

 

 

What Can You Do About Harassment?

The first and most important thing to be concerned about with harassment is your safety.  If you are being harassed or you know of someone who is, here are some tips:

·         Never resort to violence.  It never helps and could actually make things worse.

·         Try to ease out of the situation by ignoring the person, walking away or by using humour.

·         If possible, try to stick with friends rather than being alone.  It stops the person from having a chance to corner you.

·         Importantly, contact an adult who you know will listen to you and help. 

 

 

Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment is when other people touch you or talk about sex to you in a way that you don’t want.  Sorts of sexual harassment are:

• Being called sexual or sexy names that embarrass you.
• People commenting in embarrassing ways on how you look or dress.
• Other people touching you in ways that you don’t want, especially in private places.
• People constantly asking you to go out with them when you don’t want to.

 

When sexual harassment comes from adults to young people, it is called sexual abuse, but young people can sexually harass other young people.

 

What is and what isn’t sexual harassment can be confusing, as sometimes other people will do things by mistake that you don’t want or like.  Somebody commenting on how you look or asking you out once is not harassment. However, if they keep doing it after you show them you don’t like it that becomes harassment.  Some things are always harassment the first time they happen (like people you don’t like touching you in private places).

 

 

What to do about sexual harassment

If someone is making you uncomfortable and you think you might be being sexually harassed, tell them to STOP very clearly.  If they keep it up after you have clearly said NO, they are harassing you.

 

You have a right not to be sexually harassed.  Sometimes you can deal with minor sexual harassment by using humour or ignoring it. If this doesn’t work or the harassment is severe, you should tell someone you trust – your friends or an adult.  They can help deal with the problem.