Communication

Communication is when ideas, thoughts or feelings are exchanged between people.  Talking to other people is the most obvious form of communication. But amazingly, most communication is ‘non-verbal’ meaning that we send ideas, thoughts, or feelings to other people without using oral language. Communication can occur with just one other person, or with millions of people, through various modes.

 

Humans are built with a need to communicate, and we can’t really exist for too long without communicating with other people.  Human society is mostly about communication. Being able to communicate well is very important for getting through day-to-day life as well as being important for getting on in society as a whole.

 

 

 

Types Of Communication

Talking, reading and writing are forms of communication that are based on words, called ‘verbal communication’.  Verbal communication is especially good for communicating ideas and thoughts.  Communication that doesn’t rely on words to portray thoughts, ideas or feelings is called non-verbal communication.  This includes music, facial expressions and body language.  Non-verbal communication is best at communicating feelings.

 

When you talk to other people, the expressions on your face and the way you hold your body are almost as important as what you say.  This 'body language' tells the person you are talking to a great deal about your feelings on the topic you are discussing. Usually it is pretty obvious. Smiling tends to mean you find them interesting or enjoy the topic of discussion, laughing tends to mean that you find it funny; and looking cross generally means you are angry.  Looking people in the eye during conversation is generally a good indication of your honesty, as it's difficult to look someone in the eye when you aren't telling the truth. 

 

In fact, most times we communicate with other people, we use a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication. Don’t forget, communication is two-way and needs someone to listen as well as someone to talk. 

 

Communication Skills

Humans are born with the ability to communicate, but some people are better at it than others.  Some young people are very good with words, and find it easy to express their ideas to other people while other young people find it difficult to express themselves well, especially in public.  The good news is that communication skills can be learned.  Here are some tips:

 

• Remember that talking to other people relies on body language and facial expressions as much as words.  If you look and sound confident, people will take more notice of what you have to say, even when you don’t feel so confident.
• Try to look people in the eye when you speak to them.  This makes you seem more honest, open and friendly, and people will find it easier and more fun to talk to you.
• Practice listening to other people.  Communication is half listening, and listening is as hard a skill as talking.  When you listen to people, watching their face and body language will help you understand what they mean.
• Think before you open your mouth.  The best communicators put their ideas across in short simple ways.  If you are trying to convince people of something, be clear and use as few words as possible.
• Try not to become angry or emotional when you speak.  Because non-verbal communication is much more powerful than verbal communication, when you are angry, people will focus on your displayed emotions rather than on what you are saying out aloud.

 

Public Speaking

One communication skill that can be difficult to learn is expressing yourself well in public, particularly in front of adults or lots of people you don’t know.  When you are nervous, you can find you forget what you were going to say and your voice can shake embarrassingly.  Being nervous about speaking in public is very common and there is no easy solution.  Practicing speaking in front of your friends and your class can help, as it can prepare you for speaking in front of larger groups of people.

 

Shyness & Assertiveness

Some people are worried that they are too shy around others.  Some are worried that they are too pushy or assertive.  Some are happy just the way they are! 

 

Shyness

Shyness means being nervous or unhappy about being with people you don’t know, especially when you have to communicate with them. Everyone is a little shy at times, even the most confident of people.  It’s normal and not uncommon for young people to be a little shy around adults who aren’t their teachers or relatives. However, you’ll find that this shyness usually disappears once you get to know someone.  The opposite of shyness is assertiveness, which means making sure people take notice of you.

 

A little shyness is normal and healthy. However, if you are very shy, or your shyness doesn’t go when you get to know someone, this can cause you problems.  Being shy around other young people can make it difficult to make friends. Being very shy with adults, even ones you know such as teachers, can mean that you can miss out on opportunities.  Being very shy usually means that the young person is not very confident, is not assertive enough or has low self-esteem.

Assertiveness

Assertiveness means making sure that people treat you seriously in any part of your daily life, particularly during discussions and arguments.  If you are shy and retiring, it is easy to be forgotten or ignored during a discussion, even when you have important things to say.  Assertiveness ensures that people are aware of your presence and that your voice is heard.

 

Most young people are assertive some of the time and shy some of the time depending on whether they are with friends and family or with people they don’t know.  People who are very shy are usually not very assertive, which means that they may not be taken seriously when they need to be. Like shyness however, too much assertiveness can also create problems for you.  Being ‘too’ assertive means drawing excessive attention to yourself at a time when it may be fair to give someone else a chance to voice their opinion.

 

 

Conflict

Communication and discussion between people can lead to agreement (where people agree about the subject they are discussing) or conflict (where they don’t).  Conflict occurs when people have different ideas about how something should be handled, whether it is doing something or doing nothing. Conflict is a completely normal part of everyday life as humans will always have slightly different views on how to handle everyday decisions and problems.  Even a brief disagreement with your friends about simple things, like what to do after school, is technically a conflict. Most conflicts are solved (or resolved) so easily that you don’t even notice any conflict as one side is happy to change their view.  Real conflicts happen when none of the people involved are prepared to change their view.

 

Most serious conflicts involve important issues where the decision that is being made means important changes for one side or the other.  These sorts of conflicts are natural and expected as everyone has a right to their own opinion on important issues.  Minor disagreements can turn into major conflicts if left unresolved, so it’s important to try and reach a decision or compromise as soon as possible. Resolving conflicts can be very hard work.  Conflicts can be resolved in three ways.  Firstly by consensus, where both sides get part of what they want but not all of it; secondly, by one side or the other being prepared to change their view; or thirdly, when both sides cannot agree so the issue is dropped.  No one way is better than the others, and the best path depends on the problem and the people involved in the conflict.

 

 

Managing Conflict    

Here are some tips for dealing with conflict:

 

• Talk and think the problem through carefully rather than just taking sides straight away. 
• Solve conflict quickly. If you and a friend have an argument, go back to them straight away and try to solve it.  Conflicts usually get more difficult to settle the longer they are left unresolved.
• Try not to get angry or upset.  You won’t argue or think as well if you are upset, so you’ll be less likely to solve the conflict.
• Stick to the issues and don’t get personal. Telling the other person they are stupid because they don’t agree with you won’t help convince them!
• Try and see the situation from the other person’s point of view. It might give you a very different opinion of the problem.
• Think through your position and ask yourself whether you are really being fair. 
• Be assertive and stand your ground if the issue is really important to you.

 

If you can’t solve things there and then, take the disagreement to someone you both trust for an outside opinion.  An outside view from friends you trust or adults such as teachers or parents may help solve the conflict.  An outside view is really important for conflicts that have being going for some time.  The longer conflict continues, the more difficult it becomes to solve, particularly if things have become personal.